do people change?
So, as my loyal readers will know, this is party like it's 1999 weekend. I just came back from my FEB reunion dinner - bringing together more or less the 100 kids that started school with me some 3.5 years ago. I was happy to sit with Sarah Bernstein - and glad, after the second glass of wine and smiling politely at the strangers we were sitting with, she was the first one to say, I have nothing to say to these people.
Do people change? Granted the bonds between some people are closer and I am sure we've all done our spiritual growing and eye-widening in the past few years, but I can't say that I felt much different sitting in this room tonight than I did 4 years ago. In fact, I almost felt less myself because I didn't have my entourage around me. I have never had many friends from my FEB class... some febs come in as a clan and leave as a clan. I felt like I was always outside of that circle and that was a good thing. The strange thing was that there were several people there that I had never seen before and even more that I have never spoken with - including my next door neighbor, whose name we never knew and referred to as, yes, get this "face eater." Apparenly he's well-known and well-liked in the Feb community - much more than i can say for myself.
I am sure graduation will be equally as artifical (at least for me) as tonight was. After I get my diploma, oh wait, I don't get that in February, I think I will be more than content to stand with my parents, my wonderful John and Nates, and hopefully even some alums, including Jack and Aaron. I'll probably retain some kinship with my art history comrades, but honestly, that's it.
This weekend is such a blast from sophomore year, I can't help but miss my former roommate and old Kerouac-reading pal, Renee. I guess it starts to set in how long I have been here at school, or maybe how much life has intervened during that time, when I think back to our silly and more often petty dramatic days on the second floor of Starr. I am sure I owe her an email or a phone call, but there's so much to say I probably couldn't do the time & distance justice. And I am sure she'd like to hear my reading of this evening, including the fact that nothing has changed and I think she's better off on the West Coast. But I suppose that I have changed a lot since then, or at least since our last conversation, which I think might have been at Justin's house on July 4th weekend back in 1999, or maybe it's that one that stands out, even though we've talked since then. This summer, we touched base briefly, she said she was going to make the trek out to Midd, Sept. 11th happenned, and that's where the story ends...
I guess I am guilty of that kind of nostalgia that only lets you remember the good, or makes you blissfully unaware of the way things really were.
Maybe not much has changed, maybe I am just destined to never fit into the Feb community (yes, admissions, you probably confused katie simpson and I), or maybe everything has changed. I find it hard to remember my life before Middlebury, or maybe I just don't want to. I feel like there's a hefty note of cynicsm in my mood, but I don't know how else to feel. I guess I am glad I went tonight, I'd rather be among the present than the missing.
posted by lmjasinski at 6:57 PM
