Haha! After dedicating the better part of the last four weeks to watching and researching the disaster film cycle of the 1970s, I've picked up some tricks from watching peeps like Van Heflin in "Airport." And I am going to transform Lisa's blog into my own disaster film by invading it and fraudulently posting under her name.
Here's the scenario: I cast that girl from "Welcome to the Dollhouse" as Lisa, an innocent blogger who is cheating on her husband and given to alcoholism. (A big part of disaster films has characters overcoming their personal problems through the disaster.) I cast Toby Maguire as me, the evil fake-blogger who plans to turn the world against Lisa by blogging child pornography, slurs against the handicapped, and racial epithets. (Worse yet, as someone who disparages handicapped black children raped by priests.)
Once the disastrous blog has been set up, the clamoring feet of people wanting to lynch her will cause Lisa's messy room will fall apart, causing an Earthquake-like catastrophe to bury her under a mountain of panties and discarded dixie cups. She then will have to execute a Poseidon Adventure-like escape straight up through the asphyxiating mound. But upon reaching the top, the mob of angry villagers--toting pitchforks and torches--will cause a blaze that would rival The Towering Inferno.
But through it all, Lisa will undoubtedly emerge as safe. Helped, along the way, by a supporting cast consisting of Ava Gardner, Steve McQueen, Jennifer Jones, Faye Dunaway, Shelly Winters, Charlton Heston, George Kennedy, and Richard Roundtree. There probably will also be the requisite nuns, puppy saving, and jokes like "my husband once played the minute waltz in 58 seconds" to give the viewers of this cinematic holocaust a brief respite from the visual trauma.
Maybe this'll rekindle the disaster cycle.
-- Jack
posted by lmjasinski at 6:28 PM
