(not my) graduation eve.
Well, a very tiring drunken haze of a week brings me to the night before what would have been my graduation, had life taken a slight turn and I started in September, rather than February, some four years ago. I will say that I am slightly embittered to my condition, because the real graduation ceremony is very nice, elegant, the academic honor ceremonies are meaningful whereas Febs are slightly cheated and short changed over the whole situation. Even when it is my �turn,� after comparing it to a handful of beautiful receptions and ceremonies, it won�t likely add up and nothing is going to change that this college has one annual graduation and a "Feb Celebration."
I wish I had some kind of wisdom to impart, or even some emotional epiphany to relay, but it�s not there. It�s been an exhausting blur � leaving me to glean how few people in this senior class I give a damn about. Maybe this is the most comforting part of graduation and makes all the �one last time for everything� hoopla all the more redundant. I went to a BBQ at the house where Aaron and Justin�s parents are staying � we had dinner, drinks, cake etc� it was nice and I enjoyed myself I like I always do - but I just felt like we�ve done this so many times before and I know we�re going to do it again in all of our summers to come. I also have a sinking, but very good, feeling that my futon / floor will be frequently inhabited by recent alums next year, so to really think of this as any sort of definitive good-bye just seems, yes, to quote Sam, �silly.� We just need to get the Boston � New York caravan in order and things will be exactly as they should be, being in school or not being in school, seniors, juniors or the in-betweeners, it�ll all balance out � a gin and tonic in an urban setting is the great equalizer and none of the other crap matters anymore. At that point though, I imagine we will look back on Midd with great reverence and fondness for the late nights, the surprisingly endless wells of energy we once had, and all the stupid things we did before we knew better or could afford any better. I wonder if Midd has changed, because it seems the same. I wonder if my memory prevents me from seeing anything but the definitive Midd I've built up in my head.
In terms of even staying on campus, I am glad I did, for these few strange and forgettable days, nothing worth relaying in depth, aside from too much rich food and awkward mingling and introductions to parents that seem to explain so much even in terms of where people get their good (or not so good) looks. It�s taken me this long to get my stuff in order (the last two weeks) to begin to pack my room and take care of that breed of lose ends. It�s always weird when things are over just because it always is � thinking I should unpack my journal (it figures that the only thing I have packed are my books) and scribble down why this is odd, yes I still need to put the pen to paper despite this forum � because it is forgettable, is not applicable to me, and because it seems to affect such a small percentage of my close friends� I think from this point forward I might fully pledge my allegiance to the class of �03 and accept that as my mighty epithet from this college. I don�t want to make the kind of broad generalizations that hurt people�s feelings, so maybe we�ll just leave it at that and I�ll accept that I am still a student and some other people have crossed an imaginary line in the sand, have a piece of paper and a walking cane I don�t, and only one of us can still call zip code 05753 home.
posted by lmjasinski at 12:25 AM
