the female gaze

Look with your eyes, not with your hands.


Such a minute fraction of this life do we live: so much is sleep, tooth-brushing, waiting for mail, for metamorphosis, for those sudden moments of incandescence: unexpected, but once one knows them, one can live life in the light of their past and the hope of their future.



A grad student muses on her life, film, friends, politics, reality televizzle, and music.


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"The story of your life is not your life, it's your story" -- John Barth
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Sunday, August 04, 2002
 
This casa is sweet

Back in my home away from home... enjoying the late night quiet and just the prospect of time to myself. Entertaining guests is in general a very good, but often exhausting, ordeal. I entertained in New York, then I was entertained in Boston - back at home and although I have a bedroom, my bed is here in New York, so I am a displaced immigrant even in my own house. But just the same, tomorrow should bring a few much needed hours of isolation and right now, that's just such a good thing. I don't know how productive I'll actually be - but optimistic.

Next week might bring some more positive starts on the grad school applications and ever evolving and sharp Watson proposal... one of my former professors has enlisted my help to watch his cat and said cat comes with its own apartment. (lucky cat) and lucky me who gets to take up residence in the 212 area code while said professor goes to California. Ah, and the day he gets back, the New York relatives go to Michigan and I guess I get to know what being an "adult" feels like for a two-week arrangement. I suppose I just like thinking of it as being an adult, it is of course (if one wants to think of it heroically) a challenge of personal wills and fortitude. Maybe that's a little strong and I know that I'll end up with friendly company throughout that time - but two weeks has the possbility to be a long time essentially, "by myself." It'll be good for me... and let's hope that i make some progress on the "work" I know needs to get done if I ever really want to be ahead.

Nothing of much substance to report tonight. I am psyched to housesit... and basically I've been an on vacation slob for the better part of 10 days without any real intellectual substance to chew on. Last night was amusing - my mother (aka "the believer") went to see the new Mel Gibson crop circle movie "Signs." And my mother is right - even when the movie is bad, opening night enhances the cinematic experience. This movie has some fundamental flaws that almost push it into the B-movie catagory (like the alien) and that's unforgivable, but there is something to be said about cheap surprises that leave your heart pounding. After "Signs" I can't really adequately convey what came over us - but basically the person sitting in front of us had a belching problem and throughout the move let out gaping, bellowing, completely exaggerated burping noises. The most ridiculious fact of the matter being that this person seemed unaware / unphased by this, and proceeded to watch the movie, arms folded, and no affect - no effort to cover his mouth, publically apologize for his disgusting behavior, or even to motion to the guy he was there with. As we were leaving the theater, said patron belted out the loudest one of the night, to which I promptly said, "that's gross" while holding back the laughtears. We were feeling generally silly and upon leaving the theater decided to do something neither one of us had done before, sneak into another theather. There really wasn't any sneaking involved, we just went and sat down in "Road to Perdition." I must say that I was slightly dissappointed with this movie. I think "The Godfather" presents the father/son relationship in more original and insightful way. And actually, Road to Perdition can be boiled down to a very simple plot and I didn't think it was exceptionally well-written or well-acted. I read several articles in the Times about the movie and perhaps it gave away too much (not that there is anything explicitly to give away) and therefore my experience was slightly deflated. But anyway, I was dissappointed.

But anyway... I am itching to get back to the City - but tomorrow has the potential to be very well spent on writing in my journal or reading some of the thousand of pages of articles and interviews I've collected at the Gugg in the one-day-this-will-be-useful binder that's busting at the seams.