the female gaze

Look with your eyes, not with your hands.


Such a minute fraction of this life do we live: so much is sleep, tooth-brushing, waiting for mail, for metamorphosis, for those sudden moments of incandescence: unexpected, but once one knows them, one can live life in the light of their past and the hope of their future.



A grad student muses on her life, film, friends, politics, reality televizzle, and music.


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"The story of your life is not your life, it's your story" -- John Barth
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Thursday, August 15, 2002
 
This heat'll kill ya.

It's so hot and I can't help but be a little lazy and cranky because of it. Since hardly anyone read this anymore, I don't feel bad about complaining- I mean how many peoples' days could I really be spoiling? This morning was a royal, dripping with sweat, pain. I trucked it in from Ossining on a 9am train, had to shoot down to Stuyvesant (I actually waited 12 mins for the L - what the?) to feed the cats, put away the dishes, and get the pants and cell phone charger I left there. Lately, a cell phone charger is my most heavy and taxing burden. I nearly lost the thing twice on trips to CT and today I almost left it plugged into the wall, kind of sad like, just plugged in. I guess I am just dissappointed because the whole point of a cell phone is not being tied down - or that it is the most efficient tool (even more so than a map) to getting yourself unlost or found (ie. I am here, where are you? I am standing on 42nd and Lex - now where do I go? ) yet, at the end of the day, quite literally, you need to plug the magic compass of the digital age into the wall for some much needed juice. And if this fundamentally grounded pump goes missing, you are out of luck, kiss your freedom and wanderlust goodbye - you just wander around lost forever I get and are forced to check your cell phone voicemail on a payphone and be left to suffer the irony all the live long day. Plus, even though I get a handfull of calls per week, I am always all the more obsessed with checking my voicemail when I am away from my phone. I leave the phone off most of the time anyway, which is sort of funny.

But anyway, I fed the cats so they won't die and was dripping by the time I haulled by junk to the office.

I planned my birthday soiree - well, the actual birthday soiree - not the ice cream cake and American Idol (I'll miss you RJ - or bizarro boy band Kenny) session last night. I got some fun scrubs and masks from my cousins and my aunt and uncle are taking all of us to see the Lion King and out for dinner on the last night I spend in the city. 2 weeks from yesterday. I am excited and think it's the perfect way to end another abbreviated spell in the city. So for my actual 22, I am going to dinner at "The Coffee Shop" and sitting outside on Union Square, then onto the Remote Lounge (www.remotelounge.com) and time and sobriety permitting, Max's Kansas City bar- popular hotspot for Minimalists, Clem Greenberg, and rock n'rollers alike (actually Minimalists, like Ryman, Judd, and Morris - not just the type who live simply).

yesterday marked the third time I've heard Vito Acconci give the verbatim account of his work - a little "surreal" at this point. At least I know what to expect and can make it through the whole talk without giggling obnoxiously. it's still hot and those stools are awful uncomfortable (pack me up MoMA CRW).

Working on a Robert Morris project this afternoon - how exciting - well for me it is, even if it is just suggesting a solid video dubbing / lending policy. I think I am going to stay a little late and try to make some Watson progress too, the biological clock is ticking, as they say... or just clocks in general. it's funny how i think about this all the time and tell myself (or even annouce to the world) that I am working on this damn proposal, when everyone really knows that I am going to leave the office by 6, sleep on the train, and go home and watch HBO and the Golden Girls.