Look with your eyes, not with your hands.


Such a minute fraction of this life do we live: so much is sleep, tooth-brushing, waiting for mail, for metamorphosis, for those sudden moments of incandescence: unexpected, but once one knows them, one can live life in the light of their past and the hope of their future.



A grad student muses on her life, film, friends, politics, reality televizzle, and music.

 
This has very little to do with after-school specials and melodrama or

It's time, time, time...

In the past 12 hours, this leaving bit became real. Coincidently, everyone else acknowledged it today too. I sat down this morning after my fifteen minutes of video class and I wrote two emails I've imagined for a long time - one was my goodbye to the debate team (you can read it on the debate blog) and another was "the swing by and say goodbye" email to all of my friends. I think I was surprised when I choked up. I think this is going to be harder than I thought. Last week I probably would have denied it, but I think there will be tears involved -- tears are involved now.

I can think of pros and cons of leaving now - at this in-between time. In one respect, I think everyone should graduate in the dead of winter - it's miserable and all you want to do is go. It is certainly time and to stay here any longer would be obsessive and cautious. It's also very strange that I am the only one graduating now, for all intents and purposes - within my circle of friends. Spring semester will come and things will be as they were with the exception of me being here. I am one of those selfish people who has a hard time conceiving of life going on without them - I always have the sense that the great pause button is pressed every time I step out of the room, it's terrible when you realize life can continue in your absence.

In all of this, over Christmas break I was reminded of this song from the Muppets Take Manhattan - and thankfully those of you who know me well know that this isn't an indulgent excercize in melodrama, but you know that Middlebury has been my world for as long as I can remember - you know I am homesick all the time for the people and places that I love, and that the one guiding truth in my life for the past four years was that I was always en route back, scheduled to return, getting back to Midd. Anyway, this is my graduation soundtrack in my messy room that won't seem to pack itself or go gently into a world of organized cardboard boxes. This is me realizing that I won't be here in four days. This is me having to leave a very good thing. This is me missing and being missed --- this is about this sucking.


Saying goodbye, going away
Seems like goodbye's such a hard thing to say
Touching our hands, wondering why
It's time for saying goodbye.

Saying goodbye, why is it sad?
Makes us remember the good times we've had
Much more to say, foolish to try
It's time for saying goodbye.

Don't want to leave, but we both know
Sometimes its better to go

Somehow I know, we'll meet again
Not sure quite where and I don't know just when

You're in my heart, so until then
It's time for saying goodbye.

Somehow I know, we'll meet again
Not sure quite where and I don't know just when
You're in my heart so until then
Wanna smile
Wanna cry
Saying goodbye
posted by lmjasinski at 1:42 AM