Look with your eyes, not with your hands.


Such a minute fraction of this life do we live: so much is sleep, tooth-brushing, waiting for mail, for metamorphosis, for those sudden moments of incandescence: unexpected, but once one knows them, one can live life in the light of their past and the hope of their future.



A grad student muses on her life, film, friends, politics, reality televizzle, and music.

 
And the beat goes on

Back in the saddle again, or at least I've returned to my trusty blogging post. Katie is playing head hunter and knows of an 8-week subtitute teaching job at a nearby tech-saavy magnet school. It would entail teaching English to middle schoolers and I'll look into it tomorrow. This could be interesting, but a sizable challenge too, to pick up teaching kids mid-year and for a specified amount of time, nevermind not having taken any classes in English or education. I passed the seventh grade with flying colors, so I am probably all set, I just need to stay one chapter ahead of my class, right?? But it's steady work and has to be more interesting than office errands and at this stage in the game, a reliable paycheck which an arty job can't promise right now. I'll find out more tomorrow and maybe I'll be a teacher when I grow up.

It was nice to be reacquainted with what kids my age are doing. They say that your only as old as you feel - and sometimes, I definitely feel older than I think I should. Last night over our mexican feast and margaritas, Justin and I indulged ourselves and told Nathan our favorite story, of a distant (and infamous) Halloween weekend when we were 19, crazy-stupid, swapped partners for sport, and liable to mix pain killers, wine, and whatever else wasn't bolted down or could be crushed and snorted (especially if it rhymed with ditalin). It was indulgent of us to live like that and to then tell the story smiling, but it is a good story, bribe me with a couple of margaritas and I'll chew your ear sometime. I can't believe it was four years ago, already. They say that all of the stress causes a President to age the equivalent of a decade in four years, I submit that college does the same thing. What happenned to the sprightly and youthful girl I once was? Where did she go? I am too old for reindeer games and this morning, my hangover benched me from dim sum brunch -- from my experience, when the world is spinning and barely being held down, it's not a good idea to introduce steamed pork buns and shrimp dumplings into the mix.

Nathan told me that Yoshi hosted a big party on Friday to welcome the new Feb debaters. Where I sat, it sounded like a typical debate debackle in full drunken wonderment. As far as not being in school right now, by the by, it's a good thing and I am enjoying a much needed break, but it was a little sad to think of good times being had that I am no longer a part of. As I've said before, I have a hard time imagining life continuing in my absence. I don't like coming face to face with the proof that it does, in fact, chug along even without Captain Lisa at the helm. Sigh. This is not an exercize in sympathy, it's part of my "moving on" process. I'll be reacquainted with that scene soon enough, as Dan and I will team up and take Brown by storm this weekend. Then I'll be laying low for a while, and probably just making an appearance at my neighborhood Yale tournament and Nats later in the spring. Something to look forward to - because it's a vestige of college and what was, but also because it's something to do that I have always, on some level, enjoyed. Outside of organized activities, you begin to see how little there is to do for recreation in places outside of bustling cities. As I see it, life, on the weekends and when you aren't required to be somewhere for employment purposes, basically boils down to a mundane blur of shopping, errands, eating, spectating (movies, art, sports, and TV) and drinking. Not that I want to bash any of these royal pastimes, but in my book they don't really qualify as people coming together to do something. At the same time, there is plenty of eating, drinking, and spectating rolled into debate, but you are there for a more pressing reason and the rest is just bonus. Otherwise weekends are usually spent fussing over which of the aforementioned activities to do, the order of the events, and where you should go to lay down your hard earned money. Perhaps this is what I always liked about debate - there was some of the fussing over where to eat, but choices were finite because time was usually an issue, there was a schedule (it wasn't up to you to make all of the choices), and the sweetest part of the deal of course, someone else footed the bill. That's my rant as of right now and I continue to justify to myself and anyone silly enough to read this, why debate is actually a noble use of one's leisure time, and why, rather absurdly, it's one of the things I know I'll miss the most about college.

In the meantime, I am putting together a Survivor Amazon fantasy team. This week, my four people are Alex (the triathalon coach), Rob (the wise cracking computer guy), and my two favorite ladies coming out of last week, the soulful fishing boat and good puzzle makers, Jeanne and Joanna. This is subject to change, I just had a good feeling about this four some. It's too early in the game to have any steadfast loyalty or to really have people figured out, but these four all rubbed me the right way, so to speak. I'll keep you posted. I guess if I am like the best fantasy player, I win a saturn ion. At this point, I am playing recreationally, although I really have the time to start entering contests on a semi-professional basis. Food for thought if my unemployed and blob-a-riffic streak goes on much longer.

Nothing else to report about grad school or the rest of my life. The mailman brought an official acceptance from Wisconsin, provided I send the grad school office another transcript which I am more than capable of doing. I should get word back from everyone by 4/1 and until then, I am rather reluctantly just playing the waiting game. Lots of speculation and lately, lots of praise for Madison, dubbed "the best city in America" by a recent conversant. Whenever I read about the various programs, the pros and cons mount and the decision is increasingly less clear. It is muddied by things like money, courses, professors, institutions, room to grow... I am trying to factor in a lot of these quality of life points, about where I can be the happiest, which for me usually boils down to where I can afford to go out to dinner and drinks frequently, and where I want to spend the formative years of 23-28+. It's a big committment and one of the bigger decisions I've had to make. Just the same, I am truly excited about grad school. I am confident that I am making the right choice starting now and film school offers fascinating possibilities. This is definitely what I want next (because having it at this second isn't an option). Presently, as far as picking a school, I am at a stalemate. Nothing new to report, but I'll keep you informed as things happen and I go and do some real investigative work. Still thinking about what I would do, in a vaccum, and sadly, life has to contend with complicating factors like gravity, wind, and reality.

It's been a long day - recovery then driving home, so I am going to snuggle up in bed and be horizontal for a while. Just for hoots, my mother is watching Pootie Tang. What is the world coming to??
posted by lmjasinski at 10:35 PM