The Long Day (four years) is Over
How do you talk about something when you are in the middle of it - while it's still happenning to you? That challenge might be too great for my very worn-out self.
Celebration was wonderful. For various political reasons Middlebury will not call Feb Graduation Feb Graduation, instead it's just called Celebration and I think the title is fitting. Graduations seem to have a hefty degree of downtrodden "ending" associated with them. But for me and right now, today was me-centric and more about celebration than captivating nostalgia. Yes, I was among 91 other "graduates" today, but I was the only one leaving my group of friends and for this reason, it didn't have the same feeling as other graduations where everyone is facing an uncertain future and diaspora seems to be the universal order of the day.
For posterity's sake, I don't know what is most lasting about the last 20 hours. In part, it will be last night's very quiet relaxing gathering of the most important people to me here right now. It wasn't loud, it wasn't raucous -- it was sincere, and comfortable, and known and really, perfect closure. From today, it began with the Chapel service and McCardell's address about "lumpers" and "spliters," a lesson from the Louisiania Purchase, and a very heartfelt good-bye from Ann and Marichal, my dean friends, emphasis on the word friends - two fantastic mentors and people that will continue to mean so much to me into the future. Lunch. Then came the ski down at the Snow Bowl. I don't think the anxiety set in until I made my way to the mountain on those twisty roads listening to Sam Cooke. I did one run and almost backed out, having bordered on uncontrollable and too nervous. But I guess my confidence kicked in at the last moment and I waited with the rest of my class at the mid-station with caps, gowns, feather boas, balloons, tequila, and cheap champagne to boot. I didn't fall and for this I was very proud, although I was far from the best or most precise one out there. I made it through, none the less, a ritual that had my antisicipation since the viewbook so many years ago. Then the very busy and long and tiring day quieted, over a great feast with 10 of my favorite people in the world, my family, the extended summertime family, and Jack, Nathan, and John. Today was well-rounded, sparce tears were shed when saying goodbye to Ann and Marichal, but otherwise it remained up beat, despite moments of overwhelmingness, it remained a
celebration.
Friday helped today become celebratory instead of purely speculative. On Friday, I got two phone calls that make the future seem near and promising. A call from New York offering a possible assistant position in the media arts followed quickly with a call from my first interested grad school. In fear that the conversation remains unofficial, I'll withhold the name, but it is a school I would certainly attend. Additionally, for several reasons, it is the most attractive destination at the point because of the generous guarenteed funding - 5 years - enough for a complete masters and PhD and the first year of a dissertation. They always say that you shouldn't accept an opening or a first offer, but this might be too good to pass up. Since it's small and funding is guarenteed, I don't think this would denegrate into one of the competitive, gnawing, political grad programs I hear horror stories about. Of course, a Professor would never call to sell you on those attributes of a program, but I have heard from many alums and people acquainted with this program that
this program is in fact, different, helpful, and great. The call caught me off guard initially - knee-deep in packing my room - but I think it went very well and the Professor directly expressed his interest in me as a candidate and tried to convince me that I would be very happy there. There are many other schools I am still waiting to hear back from, but if every other school rejects me or can't give me housing / funding / or the support I need, there will be no second-guessing and no hastily made decisions. At this school, I will be very happy, well-off, content, and on my way. Perhaps even, inside this brain of mine prone to synthesis and construction - fated to tie the two offers of Friday morning together into a stronger and perfectly orchestrated cord - if I plan to go onto this fully funded program without serious financial concerns, I might be able to spend the next few months making a meager art salary in New York before shipping off to grad school. Much convincing to be done. Just the same, considering that I am just a day away from being a free agent, my contract is up, and to already have academic and professional routes presented to me, I am the luckiest girl in the world. I feel validated. I smiled all afternoon and it's been a very long time since I've felt this way. The timing was absolutely perfect.
President McCardell tied together some of my favorite quotations today - one of which always sticks with me - instructing graduates or students to
set their feet on lofty places. It's from Thomas Jefferson, I believe.
posted by lmjasinski at 8:25 PM
