the female gaze

Look with your eyes, not with your hands.


Such a minute fraction of this life do we live: so much is sleep, tooth-brushing, waiting for mail, for metamorphosis, for those sudden moments of incandescence: unexpected, but once one knows them, one can live life in the light of their past and the hope of their future.



A grad student muses on her life, film, friends, politics, reality televizzle, and music.


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"The story of your life is not your life, it's your story" -- John Barth
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Sunday, February 23, 2003
 
The Lord said to Noah: There' going to be a floody floody or
A time when capri pants are both stylish and practical

I am watching the rather amazing grammy's - so I am in good spirits, but it's been a doused and sloppy weekend all around. Norah Jones, my girl since way back, cleaned up tonight and I think that's great. I've developed an unwholesome school girl crush on John Mayer, perverse because he's like 16, but he's a cutie pie nonetheless. I'll probably be inspired to write more about my experiences at Brown University later, as in tomorrow, but today I am working on being the queen of my castle. My parents left for Vegas this morning (it's always amusing to watch people who don't often travel pack for a trip) and I drove them to the airport around 5am. Trailing off from lousy (read: hard floor) sleeping conditions at Brown, and playing wee hour chauffeur, I've adopted a steady and restless routine of napping, errands, and periodically (every three hours) vacuuming up about 20 gallons of water at a time off the basement floor. The combination of rain and melting snow in my backyard has caused a minor flood dribbling in through the hatchway. My parents have a very powerful shop-vac type machine, and well, I'd be lost without that. It doesn't make the job of sucking up dirty, ice cold, and heavy water off a cement floor any more pleasant, or my rolled up pants any more fashionable. I did get a new cell phone today, so at least I am stylin' while I am grubbin'.

So it's me and the dog for a week... no highlights planned, just hoping not to be too bored or lonely. Fingers eternally crossed on the job front (actually, surprise surprise, RAW studdenly wants "to talk" - so maybe all of my evil spells and four-leaf clovers did me well) and it would be a good time to get some good news from ant grad school, although let's just say that this weekend didn't tip any scales in favor of Brown. They have some very nice classroom facilities, but so help me, I don't think Providence and I would have a very happy marriage. As my sister predicted, I was charmed by Thayer Street - but all of the crumby and rundown three-family houses, skinny little streets that are lined with parked cars and no room to drive between, and really, just a student body that didn't seem like me (this is always hard to explain and very superficial, either you feel like you fit in somewhere or you just don't). Brown was always one of the bottom rungs of my grad school ladder, the program is much more theory based than any other school I've applied to, but I am not convinced to sign on board for the next 5+ years in Providence. It's just not my bag, baby. Thanks but no thanks, keep your hills, rain, and sluttified girlies in hooker boots.

So, Brown this weekend, feeling suddenly inspired to discuss it. Well, it certainly wasn't a wash because it was the dose of the reality I've needed, in a kind of a kick in the butt sort of way. I was pleased with the first four rounds of debate, although the fifth collapsed as the other team actually ran "We should lose this case" and the round spiralled, in a crash and burn sort of way, into about five awful minutes of discourse not resembling debate. In our defense, we were tired, hungry, and had walked around lost in the rain for about 30 mins after a room change and a wrong turn or two. The party, much like the whole tournament, wasn't bad on face, but it had been over-hyped. My sister tagged along and she was excited to go to her first "college party" (well, the way movies hype college parties) - 200 kids in a confined space, DJ, lights, people dancing on window sills, aside from there not being enough accessible booze and too many songs played back to back honoring the derriere (ie: back that ass up, I like big butts, put your ass into it...) this went on late, then onto the after-party, kegs of cheap beer and too many opportunities to be crushed to death on the stairs, so we headed for home - a steamy lounge for 14 with hard floor accomodations. I live to tell the tale, so I can't complain too much, just a typical debate weekend absent of all creature comforts but some good company. It was nice to see my sister and some respectable Midd characters. It felt like a bare bones crew because some new kids came along and all of them scampered off to stay with friends, lovers, something in-between, or a one-night fling with a judge, but the people I cared about were there, we had fun, ate some hefty and delicious burritos and well worth the life-threatening turns on route 6, a couple of silver dollar blisters, and a parking ticket.