You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone
Feel like my old self again - Saturday night after a debate tournament, cup of tea, my music, alone time - sitting down to blog, only the desk has changed more than a little. So Holyoke has the reigning title of best tournament - not in the outrageous Fordham sense or the solid Harvard way, but in the good food, great company, good times, understated, big fish in a small pond kind of way. I guess more so than any particular happening, being wrapped up in a familiar feeling of being just plain happy for an extended period of time is objectively good Lately I float between these bouts, a weekend here and there of eyes lit up, laughtears, stories, beers, and staying up late with great peeps. Nice showing this weekend - debate league politics have pushed me beyond the brink, so I am glad that this will be my last go at debating as a competitor. If I haven't improved considerably in three years, it's not going to get any better over any period of time. The thing is, I have improved immensely since I started doing this - but at the same time, my individual scores have gone up only a point or two. That won't make sense to non-debaters, but think of it as drastically improving and seeing very little return. Maybe this is a lingering disappointment that I've become so accustomed to, it doesn't bother me anymore. But I feel like I am a much more persuasive, knowledgeable, worldly little girl now... so in the end, I guess it was worth losing a lot more than winning and being made to feel inferior almost every weekend of my collegiate career.
Despite the high concentration of pricks in my debate league, I will continue to thank my lucky stars, fates or what have you, who or whatever force that drew me and so many other gems to this team. This weekend was really just a time to step back and realize what a great, smart, funny, and understanding crew this is. I know I've been complimenting people a lot lately - probably more than ever - but I guess graduation let me turn my complainy digs in for new appreciative ones. Perhaps I've begun to feel guilty for under-appreciating and not realizing how hard it is to find such good company "in the real world." All of this is triggered because there is a such a cavern between my daily life and these weekend escapes that exist in sanctity - things go right, everyone's happy, not around long enough for tempers or boredom to flair - it's just plain comfort. It�s such a relief and so nice when old shoes fit. As Sam Cooke would say, these last few weekends have been �like cake and ice cream.�
posted by lmjasinski at 11:01 PM
