Mucho Better
I realize now that the last blog seemed more tentative than I might have intended - or, maybe after writing it out, talking to my Mom and others, and just a day of not quite as stressful sensory overload, I am feeling a lot better, more settled and better off. I think it has been helpful to talk to people already in the program that have decided to leave after a Master's, or at least have seriously considered it. I think I was just apprehensive or afraid to sign on the dotted line and emerge sometime around age 28 or 30. Compared to the other "fascinating" options open to me at the moment, this is probably among the best. I didn't talk much about the people here in my last post and I legitimately think that this is a solid selling point - I can relate to them, they are really nice, intelligent, but don't come across as taking themselves too seriously. It was a relief to meet them with such a favorable opinion... it is comfortable too, I feel like this is a good place to be.
I have done some apartment looking - from the outside in the Near East neighborhood and took home enough print media to build a tent should I really scrape the bottom of the barrel for shelter next fall. I feel like I'll be able to get something in / near my price range - and hopefully collect some bread this summer to act as a buffer. I learned that there is an Ikea less than two hours from Madison, between here and downtown Chicago, this might be the best geographic attraction to this otherwise flat farming state. My flight was originally changed - I actually wouldn't have minded it to be bumped up to today, I feel like I've seen what I need to and have a sense of the people and the place, but just the same, I enjoy being back on a campus with a library to explore and a film to see tonight in UW's Cinemateque Series. Whereas this time yesterday I felt overwhelmed, I think I am in a more solid place now and think this is not only viable, but desirable. Granted I might get here and find it harder than I expect, but I think it will work out - even though, I think I have a better sense of what I'll gain (intellectually and otherwise) here, but what / who I'll miss about the East Coast. It feels pretty far away from home - I had a few boughts of homesickness at Midd, but I could see that being slightly more of a problem now. Anyway, what are you going to do - birdies fly away from the nest and the only East Coast school that could lure me, NYU, has a whole variety of other negatives that make it unfeasible. I think, just the same, I am finding it more and more plausible and more and more likely that this will be the next step, and after two years, I'll reconsider where I am and where I want to be...
posted by lmjasinski at 2:26 PM
