A Rare Moment to Myself
It is rainy, I have taken refuge in the UW library, and really, I am just enjoying a moment of peace and quiet to myself. Yesterday was completely overwhelming - but in an economic, kind of see everything you ever wanted to in a short period of time, sort of way. Since I arrived, I had an opportunity to meet all of the department professors one on one, meet all of the 25 or so film students (all in a varying mode of study from first years to dissertators), have dinner, sit in on a documentary seminar, see a lousy film, go to two parties, try Laotain food, tour the film archives... yeah, a lot, basically. Things have definitely hit the spot so to speak. I have been impressed and comforted by the things that I have heard, new faces, etc... I think it will be livable (mainly because they people really set an example to prove it so) and the town seems cool. I wasn't surprised to hear that people are often very busy with coursework or TA-ing the public speaking course (this is the TAship I like most all film students will have) so the town seems to offer a lot of film, a good selection of restaurants and what have you, but much like Middlebury, it is really just a backdrop to more than full-time job's worth of school and academic activity broadly speaking.
So I admit to some uncertainity. I think my "cold feet" can be attributed to realizing the weight of this decision - the realities of academic life and the serious committment one has to make to agreeing to do this (it takes a damn long time - 4 years of more school and then 1-3 years of writing a dissertation). Although I just finished reading a GREAT book on grad school that any future academic should be required to read, I blogged about it sometime last week, I am still really naive to this process. I realize now that I was naive while applying and that I am still a little naive as to the realities of this course of action. At this point, I am near certain that I will end up here... but I think that if I decided not to go here, it would really be a matter of stepping way back, declining this offer and declining an academic future at all for at least a few years. We'll see, I have to make my official decision by the 15th, leaving me not a whole heck of a lot of time for deep soul searching, but I think I'll let this sit a few more days until I commit in writing. I took plenty of local papers and will probably just get some kind of housing nearly sight unseen (there is really an abundance of housing now and I am sure I can find something in a desirable neighborhood and price-range). Yeah, so I don't know. This place seems very solid and I think I could do this, I just want to make sure that I am making the choice that will ultimately yield me the result I want and that I understand fully what all of this means, not even so much in what I am taking on necessarily, but what I am giving up, moving away from, and financially unable to do from here on out, living on $1,000 a month for what might amount to seven long years. Evaluation to this point -
pleased with reservations... again, the reservations are much more deep-seated about the whole graduate school situation than anything to do with Madison or the program. I am off now, to write my sister that postcard I promised her and then eventually to hit the Cinematheque screening at 7:30, which seems to be something that would fill many a Friday and Saturday night if my life moves 1,500 miles Westward.
posted by lmjasinski at 4:09 PM
