We Live in Interesting Times
Okay, breathe. I have had this manic energy surging through my veins for the past two days. My mind flips and changes so fast, by the time I finally sit down to blog or send an email, I can't help but contradict everything I said or thought a mere number of hours ago. Today has the added stress of beginning my exhausting career at the Gap. Originally, I went in this afternoon to do paperwork and watch some introductory videos. Well, someone called out and I picked up a shift tonight. Here's the thing - I am so thankful that I am only working days. Nights are for clean-up and restocking - and that is crazy. I ran around for five hours folding, lifting, moving, pricing while standing on a ladder - nutso. I can only imagine what Christmas is like if this is a slow Tuesday. Okay, I need and have earned a sedative.
So my confusing and exciting life - everything is percolating, bubbling over, and screaming to a steam whistle. Although I am quite certain that I'll just turn around and ammend or contradict this tomorrow morning - here's a sense of where things teeter at this exact second. I talked to someone at Tisch this morning. The scholarship they gave me will cover full-tuition. When I asked about a stipend, he was able to tell me that I'll receive a letter describing the RA-offer they are giving me. He didn't know the details - the amount, what an RA is (at Midd RA is resident advisor - at MIT it means research assistant - I am sure it means something else too), if it is guarenteed for one year or two... but he gave me the phone number of someone else that can hopefully lend some insight into the details of this letter as I am trying to unravel everything and be able to give Wisconsin a firm, definite, and confident answer by next week. Hopefully I can track this guy down tomorrow and get the skinny. Additionally, provided things continue to be favorable, I am going to go to New York for the day on Thursday. I'll take an unofficial visit just for the day - hopefully meet a professor in the department, sequestor some current students, and even swing by the financial aid office to really break down the package so there are no outstanding variables or unknowns. Until I really take this trip or fill in the missing colors, it is all speculation -
So here's today's dose of speculation for those of you following closely and don't mind my rambling out logic. In the car today, most things clicked together to explain why I've come full circle, now thinking about NYU. The fact of the matter is, I want to be a curator in New York. This is a business of who you know rather than what you know (although it helps to do work when you get there, connections will most likely than not, get you hired at all). I think I can scrape by in New York provided I get some kid of money assistance coming in from NYU. I certainly wouldn't be the first person to go to NY penniless and I think it would ultimately yield dividends in the form of excellent experiences that money just can't buy. Overall, I am very pleased with Wisconsin - but in a side-by-side comparison, this is where NYU edges ahead. Wisconsin doesn't offer anything in the summer - including bare summer course offerings (like 1 grad class) and maybe 2 TA positions at best, so everyone else has to scatter for unrelated work just to make rent in the summers. When you are talking about the possibility of 5-7 summers, this is a whole lot of wasted and unproductive time. All things being equal, being in New York at least invites the ability to take grad student funding from a museum (MoMA and the Gugg both offered it) - and it means being able to go to a museum every day, do interesting work, while simulateneously applying any museum resources to thesis research. Curators generally want you to take advantage of the institution. Not only will I be shadowing a professional I want to emmulate, but I'll have free reign to archives. I am looking forward to grad school because it will be interesting, but I also fully acknowledge that it is a formality to get on with other professional "things." So I wouldn't mind if grad school takes on a real vocational edge and I can do a lot of professional work while making progress on my degree. I also think, that because it is so close to home, this remains a summer option - in that I could easily sublet my place to cover the rent of my lease, come home and work doing something unrelated (insurance or whatever) and ending up $4,000+ ahead for the next year. Again, side-by-side, I think that NYU would allow an avant-garde interested former art historian to flourish in a way that I couldn't in Wisc. This is a lot of speculation, but I think I would be more the rule than the exception in NY. The biggest concerns with NYU is of course money - money is the gray cloud that grumbles over housing, quality of life, and future mounds of debt. If I heard the guy on the phone right and I got to RA (assuming he said RA and RA means resident advisor) an undergrad dorm - living there and getting paid to do so, oh my god, it would be too good to be true. As it is, everyone said that NYU offers no aid, that doesn't seem to be the case with me. My head is still spinning and manic energy seems to drive this response three words at a time (forgive grammar in my stream of consciousness mood) - but there are still enough gaping holes to leave this decision wide open. But I like that New York is closer to my current life - my friends will be there (meaning that I am not leaving everything), it is close enough to home that travel money isn't a factor, and it is more tightly linked with my past. I still feel very invested in Wisconsin, which is why this decision is still very hard - because that is financially stable, academically solid, and socially desirable. Last week I was discussing this past life theory I have - and well, going to Wisconsin signals the end of one life (the one that spanned Middlebury) unto another. NYU seems to run with that life - using the last few years as building blocks. Wisconsin is a PhD and NYU is just an MA. But the way I see it, if I want to continue past MA, then I'll likely be strong enough candidate where NYU would ask me to stay on. If I am borderline or under-performing, they wouldn't fund me and I wouldn't want to stay. I think it is just as likely that I might decide not to go past MA either place. Whoa, that was like 2,000 words of rambling and tonight's end point. Again, the hard thing is that is is all of these things and it becomes a simple answer of here or there, a decision that has to encompass far more than any other simple decision I've ever had to make. Time to send the same thing in email form to a couple of trusted relatives and friends that might chime in wisely.
posted by lmjasinski at 11:58 PM
