A Little Burnt
Physically as in the bridge of my nose and metaphysically as in exhaustion, claustrophobia, and irritated that my sanctuary of an office has been mussed up and shuffled around in my now-long-seeming absence from home. Before I get into the weepy details of a beautiful week and more lovely people, let me first exclaim that I have regained my love and want for independence. I didn't realize the full implications of living at home, honestly the day to day stuff chugs along, it was only thrown back into the storm, being a smart alack, and remembering what great conversations felt like do I now see what I am missing in the comparison of living lazily on the log. While living with another family (in New York) I think I faired well because I really had a very full life of my own, I see now that I don't know how to up and create that for myself here and I need to stick it out until August and try to hold onto the potential of the future.
Too much and too good to do it all justice. I can't remember quite where I left off, but the long and short of it is that the last few days were packed end to end with good times. Following my grille dinner, I made my way to the beer tent dance with John, where we met some of the staple members of our entourage, Juan and Kristin. Great cover band and gorgeous country club people mingling in sport jackets and everyone looking handsome, young, and rich. There I made my new friend for the night, Kristin's married 27-yr old doctor cousin, Alan. We had a lot of fun drinking beer"s" and eating cookies. Meeting extended families, a little dancing, long walk back to campus but not minding. I made a quick stop off at a party at the house formerly known as the Italian House, but called it a night before the sun in order to be fresh for the next day.
The following day brought the award ceremony I worked so
diligently on. Truth be told, I am embarrassed how little work went into that event and yet how many compliments it yielded and the opportunity it afforded to meet some quality individuals and have a most enjoyable lunch. Just the same, I donned my wildflower corsage, smiled big and bright, and handed out programs with the best of them. The speeches were very good. Originally, our committee was very nervous about the student speaker. She belonged to no extra-curricular activities and admitted to spending all of her time in her room doing math. She came through with an insightful talk about style and substance, where they overlap and where substance wins out. Can't judge a book by its cover or a person by their discipline perhaps. A math professor delivered the address (since the community votes on the speakers, it is likely there was some vote drumming up by the empirical) but he was incredibly impressive, made me cry, and beautifully married the overlap between math and art (interestingly, his wife is an art historian at Midd). If they publish the text, I'll link to it, it's worth reading. The ceremony went off without any flaws and I like to think I had a real hand in that, wink wink.
This is getting to be a fleshed out itinerary, but trust that in the time that followed that until now - I went to dinner with Nathan's parents, saw many old friends, went to the "Last Chance McCullough" dance party (glad to say I came home alone), did the graduation bit (outside because the rains held off). The graduation ceremony was perfect and charming and the sun peeked out. The speakers were very good, although Governor Bill Richardson is definitely left of left on a political litmus scale. My parents breezed into town but didn't stay much past the luncheon, just as well, considering that while they were there they found plenty to criticize me for. That day was lazy and long, pizza, beer... the night brought long talks that led to common middle grounds with Nathan's mother Marie. Later, she drank rum with us and danced salsa with Juan. Juan took more pictures, finishing some fifteen rolls over the course of senior week (I'll be able to post and make these available soon), and Nathan eventually got the majority of his wardrobe, shoes, books, and things into piles destined for California, New York, or good will. Having to pack up and do this makes me want to do two things (1) start on my room now so that the move goes smoothly in August and (2) never ever ever move again once I finally get to Wisconsin. We're talking the project of all projects when you start talking shipping, packing, and just dealing with a tremendous armful of collected material life. For the time being, the project of all projects is to do something about ten days' worth of laundry and get things put away, ordered, again (not that they were every ordered to begin with). After all of this disarray and lacking structure, I can't deal with the clutter and the mess everywhere - so here's to finding a place for things once and for all and parting with the things that currently don't and never will have a home. Internally, on another note, once I sleep off the long rainy drive through Boston, time for routine. Time for reading, less television, better health choices and getting back to abandoned resolutions. I think it was easy for me to be lazy without deadlines breathing down my neck - but coming back to Middlebury, land of the upwardly mobile and infinite energetic, I realized that these deadlines always lay within myself and it is my job to do things I should be doing, or maybe I just felt like the last few months weren't good for anything and that is not how I think of myself and it is not how I want to live anymore. Looking forward to being home and regarding time as more precious and hopeful, also looking forward to being home for my stereo and a shower with good lighting where I don't have to wear shoes or cringe at.
posted by lmjasinski at 10:41 PM
