the female gaze

Look with your eyes, not with your hands.


Such a minute fraction of this life do we live: so much is sleep, tooth-brushing, waiting for mail, for metamorphosis, for those sudden moments of incandescence: unexpected, but once one knows them, one can live life in the light of their past and the hope of their future.



A grad student muses on her life, film, friends, politics, reality televizzle, and music.


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"The story of your life is not your life, it's your story" -- John Barth
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Monday, May 19, 2003
 
Mystical Elixer

I forgot how sweet, wonderful, and sophisticated Bombay Sapphire can be... even if you are loafing around drinking out of plastic cups. This brings me back and reminds me of the good old days, of old friends, of late nights - of the simple fact that we all came here and then were magically transformed into gin snobs.

So the last few days have rescued me from my boredom, my sluggishly unimportant and mundane everydays. Having had a few already, I can probably unjustly summarize the last few wonderful days into ever-so-brief wish-you-were-there kind of remarks - asking any more than that is unreasonable at this point. For starters, an overdue homecoming to the fabulous New York of yester-two years ago. I enjoyed seeing my aunt and cousins for girls night out in Westchester and jr high volleyball games followed up by a late bento box dinner. Onto the city the next day which will remain the single best day in New York I've had in recent memory. Time was really on my side all day and I went to the Met, the Gugg, the Neue Gallery and the Whitney, all before dashing to meet friends at the long lost Mama Mexico for the most absurdly strong mojitos this side of Cuba. Such great art - and enough culture to nosh on until the moving vans come knocking onto Madison. The weather was chilly - but clear, and comfortable. The company - unparalleled in recent memory. Granted I was starved for attention and for interest, but this day was all good - all gems from the Upper East side bastion of culture, to cheap thai in alphabet city, and even the remotely dangerous "Holiday Cocktail Lounge" (a.k.a. the biker bar in the East Villager where Jason Dane tells us that Midd kids flock en masse), the Cherry Tavern (sidebar: this no smoking in bars thing is the best thing ever, it's just so nice to come home and not be disgusting, and it'll save me bling bling on dry cleaning) and back to Grand Central with plenty of time to read the Sunday Styles page and fall asleep on the Hudson Line. The day was great - the company was better - and I am indebited to my compatriots for lifting my spirits with imported spirts, tales from the now, and just some fucking incredible Spanish paintings, German photographs, Austrian Drawings, and a hip architectural installation via the Whitney.

Packed it all up and drove 80mph excitedly through twisted rural streets along the New York / Vermont border, on a gorgeous sunny day - getting into this ghost town of a blooming campus with the first kisses of a sunburn and glad to be home... even if "home" hasn't exactly been established (no room of my own yet) and I have been living Nathan Davis style until he gets back from Florida tomorrow. But it's hot and sunny and the lilacs are blooming and this is just how I want to remember it and how I want it to be whenever I make the journey here. Going back to the dining halls - loading up on fresh veggies galore - and then the night just took off - visiting with my debate freshies for impromptu beers and The Godfather, John's room for rum and diet cokes and caveching about the professors that screwed us along the way with grades slightly under what we really deserved - thinking I would turn in and being revived from the dead by the fabulous Juan Pena for red wine and gossipy talk until after 4am, to then pick up the phone and talk to my favorite redheaded pseudo-sibling until the sun came up. Drew the shade and called it a night - only to turn around to an early alaram and tap untapped rested energy for a long day of unproductive shopping and visiting with Jack. Firstly, I am entirely too spoiled to have this many great people around - it's like This is Your Life or something. Nice to be back in Burlington, picked up a new blouse, and had sweet potato enchalidas (a successfully creative Mexican dish) before getting back on Rt. 7 to come back to Midd. Rekindling a love for the sapphire with Yoshi... making this the 12th or so reunion in 36 hours and then planning to brave the crowds for the Around the World phenom at Voter - this is the party that up and swallowed 500 jello shots in an hour and where someone lost a finger in a door slamming and at least 75% of the guests had no idea. It'll be narrow, and sweaty, and crowded - last year I faulted the party for it's lousy architecture, but now I am ready to embrace it and me and my living like an irresponsible college student - trading social time for sleepy time, laughing a lot, and making g&ts the only authentic way - 60/40 gin to tonic. Ah, these are the days and this is the place... it is wonderful to be back in a place where that reasoning is not only universally held, but it is like written in Latin under the school seal. Proof that laughter and illusions of popularity can be the best medicine - I willingly missed Idol tonight and asked my sister to tape the next two for me... I'll catch up when I am home and in that mode, for the time being, i don't even know where I can find a TV and no one is astute enough to appreciate it...


John brought me cukes from the Grille... life is so good...