From Codependent to Independent.... The Grass is Already Greener
A less than triumphant return... here on a rainy Sunday in gloomy New England. Enjoying an easy Sunday morning in my pajamas after what has felt like an endless week of standing and just buzzing, hapless, like a moth between jobs. And after all of that time of getting worked up and frustrated and tired, I find myself with less to say than expected. I am wheeling and dealing to get enough time off to go to New York and go to the Whitney opening on Nathan's arm and that, temporarily, is the beacon to keep me trudging.
In the meantime, I am enjoying the depth of my father's grocery shopping. Food in my house is anything but routine, it's a happy ritual, and the selection is impressive. Ever since I was a kid, people have always commented that we consistently have the best stockpile of snack foods and impromptu dinners. After a fabulous brunch, I wonder how I'll be able to convert to the necessary changes that living alone (and on a budget) demand, compared to this epicurean Eden. Getting to the route of most American pyschosis, there's something comforting about home and home being synonymous with a full fridge and a full belly. Coffee and Caesar with fresh romaine and shredded parmesan cheese... It feels like a real day off and the first one in weeks.
To make the future closer, or more impending, I have a graduate advisor. I should probably email him and figure things out for the fall. Since I really don't finalize things until August, I have a little time and space to get use to the idea before I start studying for my first exam. The good thing about my prospective circulate is that it seems like a good semester to start with. I am going to try to take an undergrad intro to world cinema class, mainly because I've never had that basic building block and also because it won't be too much to balance. They are also offering avant garde film and I feel like that's my comfort zone. Of course the third class will be a new territory and probably throw me a little initially, but I have an advisor now and the classes aren't a far jump - it's just a matter of deciding whether or not to jump in with the intense Studio System course or try for a seminar in something that might as well be a foreign language. I guess this is where the advisor comes in. If the past year and this graduate school admissions process has taught me anything, it is to get lots of opinions about consequences and choices, to listen to others in the know and who have been there and take everything into account for my decision making process. If I had gone about my headstrong way, I would be going to NYU and never had applied to anything west of the Eastern time zone. Advisors, in my Middlebury experience, were rubber stampers who posted a code on their door when registration time came around. One of my advisors was on leave for my junior year and I honestly think I didn't notice. Although I had very little reverence for the official advisor-student relationship, I think that my current lot in life could be entirely explained by a few important and influential relationships with mentors. This is not to say that I've sold my soul to the graduate school appointed advisor, but to admit my ignorance in charting out my educational path and look for a compass in someone who is more skilled at the game than I. Maybe I am not looking for so much an advisor as I am a coach - and I actually think that relationship is far more beneficial for a fledglings. Someone to give you a daily workout to send you through drills and give you conditioning runs because "it's good for you," then they are the ones to setup the game plan and by this point, you've developed a new set of senses and the maneuvers are all second nature. In the game, things click - a combination of you, the training, the discipline, it just works. Again, I am not expecting anything this involved and grandoise from any of my new professors, I just think this would be a good way to frame thinking about education.
Time to shower and head out into the puddly world.
posted by lmjasinski at 12:34 PM
