the female gaze

Look with your eyes, not with your hands.


Such a minute fraction of this life do we live: so much is sleep, tooth-brushing, waiting for mail, for metamorphosis, for those sudden moments of incandescence: unexpected, but once one knows them, one can live life in the light of their past and the hope of their future.



A grad student muses on her life, film, friends, politics, reality televizzle, and music.


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"The story of your life is not your life, it's your story" -- John Barth
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Monday, June 23, 2003
 
Give the Girl a Stake

Back to a week of the half days, now that the attack of the killer 10hr days has finally run its course. The first beautiful and hot day this season, spent it staking my tomato plants, enjoying my first dip in the still icy pool, and making my weekly pilgrimage to the library to trade my six movies in for another six. Got some good ones this week, (like L'Aventura, Do the Right Thing, Mulholland Drive, Dancer in the Dark...) so many I couldn't pick one to watch and instead find myself on the old instant messenger and blogging. They say, when it rains it pours, but I guess the same is true that when it's finally nice outside, you can't decide what to do with yourself.

I've started a new creative project. I accompanied my sister to the craft store the other day because she wanted to buy, get this, a 16x20" paint-by-number "Last Supper." It's not Michelangelo rendition, it's just Jesus and the disciples hanging out and having a meal. When we got to the store and I saw the other choices I can't say I blame her for picking this scene over a mystical whale scene or wolves in the snow, but still, it's weird. Anyway, I was at the store, feeling equally anxious on the umpeenth consecutive rainy day, and decided I would get myself a craft project too. I got an album and lots of fun papers to condense all of my Middlebury photographs into a single place. Over the years, I've acquired quite a lot of pictures and it's nice to sit down and group them thematically, put together the good ones and find a far off shelf for the duplicates and unflattering images. Last night, while watching the unusually upbeat and funny season opener of SATC, I went through my picture books and selected all of the ones I'd likely include. Seeing these photos just reminded me of traveling, of late great nights of impromptu gin fests and getting dressed up and looking fabulous. So it's a fun thing to do - and especially enjoyable now that college is still a close memory but I am gearing up for something new. Coincidently, during my semester off, just after high school, I made a similar album of the "high school years." It's a project I enjoy and the colored tissue papers and glue and composition arrangements really give me to sit down and look forward to after a long and uncreative day. I am not making art here, I know that much, but I am excited about my little project and looking forward to really getting into it. It's suppose to be nice all week and it's going to be a tough week to get my photo arranging in with my movie watching... but we'll see, it still rains daily and my dog never lets me sleep past 10am anyway.

Meanwhile my mother's most recent creative project went sour. The kitchen is actually coming together by leaps and bounds daily. The freezer-on-the-bottom fridge is amazingly wonderful - and a black fridge is a cool sculptural presence. The green walls look good and the curtains are taking shape. The bathroom however, very icky. I'd describe the color as fluorescent violet. She stopped after painting one wall because she contemplated scrapping the plan (this is what happens when you let the lady at the paint store dictate your palette) but then she'd already have a floor and a useless border. Some of us should stick to paint by number instead of paint by wall.