the female gaze

Look with your eyes, not with your hands.


Such a minute fraction of this life do we live: so much is sleep, tooth-brushing, waiting for mail, for metamorphosis, for those sudden moments of incandescence: unexpected, but once one knows them, one can live life in the light of their past and the hope of their future.



A grad student muses on her life, film, friends, politics, reality televizzle, and music.


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"The story of your life is not your life, it's your story" -- John Barth
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Wednesday, July 23, 2003
 
Taking Care of Business... and Working Overtime

This is as close as I've come to physically running myself into the ground, perhaps, ever. I've been working 16hour days and sleeping on average 4 hours a night to fit the re-model hours at Club CC. It's nuts. I usually take the 2-hour break and use it wisely in a powernap, but I opted to look into something and check my email instead. Now I'll pay until I finally leave 'round midnight. I am delrious, though. My shift is going to be a diaster and I am slipping. Two more days of this craziness, a typical work-filled weekend later, and then finally relief in the form of a day off on Monday. But the money is good and I am taking it right down to the wire -- giving my two weeks notice tomorrow and then moving to Madison with lots of overtime cashola in my pocket. Like most things that seem grating at first, I admit now that there will be some faces from this crew that I'll miss, even if I won't soon be longing for my days at the greasy public's beckon call.

Every day, books from my most-recent Amazon spree arrive. The essential library for a film grad student (titles recommended by someone in the know) and they are piled up on the desk here beside me, taunting me. I am longing for the days of assignments, reading, and packed end to end with new ideas. Not to completely over romanticize my lifestyle - but there isn't much fantasy in my every day right now and I am craving long days that don't feel like taxing, exhausting long days...

Back to the trudgery. I've logged in 42 hours in 3 days. 7 more to go before quitting time this calendar day.