the female gaze

Look with your eyes, not with your hands.


Such a minute fraction of this life do we live: so much is sleep, tooth-brushing, waiting for mail, for metamorphosis, for those sudden moments of incandescence: unexpected, but once one knows them, one can live life in the light of their past and the hope of their future.



A grad student muses on her life, film, friends, politics, reality televizzle, and music.


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"The story of your life is not your life, it's your story" -- John Barth
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Tuesday, August 26, 2003
 
Remote Blogging (written 8/23)

I have to admit that blogging without the instantaneous publication takes away some of the fun. At the same time, while I sit in my hot apartment and wait for the phone company to come and hook up my services, I have few alternatives.

I�ve been in Madison a full week already. I guess the best way to describe the week I�ve just finished is all-around BIG. I traveled a big distance, moving is a big project, I racked up some big charge card bills, and I still have some big expectations to begin school in another week.

First things first, I�ve already met some very good people and that might be the heaviest sigh of relief imaginable. Of the three other prospective students whom visited the program when I did, only two of us are here now � and thankfully, I got the pick of the litter. Eric (a bizarre-o Jason Dane)and I have become fast friends and covered a lot of terrain throughout Madison together. On one hand, we didn�t have much of a choice about getting along (seeing that we know so few people here and have so many similar courses, share an office�) but I think our interests are very aligned when it comes to scholarship and drinking, and he showed real promise and really pulled through when it came to my indecsivie-style of picking out towels and sheets. But it�s great, he lives around the corner from me, and it�s been all fun and games. I�ve also gotten together with some veterans in the program and enjoyed myself. I�ve worked a couple of shifts at the Gap downtown and it�s a friendly crew with promise. I feel like I�ve gone out a lot, but it�s enjoyable.

My apartment. I have a lot of space for one person� but not a great space for entertaining, per se. I live on the second floor of a dumpy old house where I don�t get cell reception and local television reception is a half-step up from reception in Middlebury (practically non-existent). I have a small gas stove with pilot lights. My closet smells stale. I have a problem with calcium and rust in my water. I don�t have enough electrical outlets and have to be very creative with power cords. I have charming woodwork and a huge bathroom. My bedroom has tan shag carpeting that leaves something to be desired. But I have a wonderful new big bed and brand new lovely sheets and blankets. It doesn�t seem like the perfect apartment exists and this is far from perfect, but it�s safe, it�s quiet, and I like it enough here.

Location is still a little hard to gauge. Madison is a bus town and I don�t get my bus pass until next week. The walk to school is a little longer than I�d thought it would be (it�s still less than a mile) but I haven�t taken the bus yet to see what the commute will really be like. I live minutes from the Capitol and lots of great-looking bars and restaurants. If one thing is for certain, it is that Madison definitely has a lot to offer. There are some amazing amazingly cheap eats in this town and a wide variety of watering holes. Me spouting off Madison�s travel highlights� Drinks are cheap, everywhere. There is a classy wood-paneled joint called Caf� Momantre where you get a free pizza when you buy a bottle of wine on Wednesdays. We went to a lounge last night where top-shelf liquor drinks are $3. On State Street you can get a huge bowl of fresh stir-fry and noodles for under $5. A beer anywhere will run you in the $2 neighborhood. I live less than 10mins from two beaches on two different lakes. On Saturday mornings the entire Capitol green turns into a huge farmers market and it�s a great scene with fresh produce, sunflowers, and truly entertaining people-watching. I bought a big bag of tomatoes on my way into town today and it is a good stand-in for the vegetables I was forced to leave behind. Overall, it feels like it�s a small town and I feel like it won�t take long to become familiar.

There is an old-style movie theater 10 mins from my house that runs primarily art films (for $5 matinees!) � but it has opulent unfolding gold and maroon curtains, balconies, and a romantic outdoor caf� and bar. I went last week to see the disturbing �Capturing the Friedmans� and now they are running a film I regretted missing at RAW, �Russian Ark,� (the longest continuous take, filmed at the Hermitage in 2001) this week. Then they are showing Matthew Barney�s entire Cremaster Series on an upcoming weekend. I can�t wait. Maybe I�ll go twice.

I�ve read a sizable chunk of the public speaking book. I actually don�t hate reading it and I�ve had a lot of ideas about different activities and approaches. I�ve finished some of the tedious work (like setting up grading spreadsheets and writing out my addendum to the syllabus). Next week I have many meetings to get up to speed on teaching, but I am ready and excited for that to start.

I still don�t know what to make of Midwesterners and Madisonians. On one hand, I am impressed with the sophistication and diversity of film and restaurants (but it is one huge college town). On the other hand, it�s racially homogenous. Tattooing and long hair is not a gender specific thing here. On some streets, the Chevy Cavalier is the most popular car on the road. There are definitely neighborhoods that reek of undergrads and undergrad life, I am thankful to live in a slightly older / professional area. We�ll see� I am sure I�ll return to this topic time and time again, but there are many favorable first impressions.