I forgot about narcolepsy.
I guess the school year inaugural wouldn�t be complete without a completely dousing and exhausting on-set of narcolepsy. I seem to putter out early in the day and then gradually find my second wind, but first and foremost, I am not ashamed or embarrassed to admit that I am tired.
All that being said, today, for real, I became a teacher (as if it were an overnight appointment or coronation). I teach two sections back-to-back. The first section was more quiet-ish and smaller, but I was able to get through everything on my to-do list. The second section felt bigger and bolder, but it seems challenging to keep this class on track and get through a hefty amount of materials and activities in just one class period. In terms of self-critique, I felt like today�s classes were dry. I explained my syllabus and went over basic things, but it felt a little dry. On the upside, I felt comfortable and there weren�t awkward boughts of silence. I also let the students go around and introduce themselves and most people seemed to handle speaking before a group well. I do have some non-first years, but I don�t see any real challenges to my authority, unlike some of my colleagues whom had to duke it out authority-wise with some senior guys on the swim team this morning. But all in all, the shoe fits and I like it after a day. Granted I�ve owned plenty of shoes that don�t show blisters until after the first few wearings, but I think I�ll survive this junket. Generally speaking, it seems like I have good classes.
I�ve also been thrown back into the realm of academia as a student. I am taking a historical survey of documentary. It is very straightforward. The reading is light, the screening list is a great basic introduction and encompasses everything from
Nanook to
The Battle of San Pietro. I�ve had this class twice and it suffices to say that the class is straightforward, direct, and clear. One term paper and two exams.
On the contrary, last night Bordwell completely pulverized me in a struggling to keep up, enthusiasm-explosvie, narrative theory lecture. It�s intense stuff. It seems like my, albeit weak, background in theory (ala art history) won�t help me much, if at all. On one hand, he�s the guy to learn it from (since he�s the go-to guy) but on another hand, this class is going to challenge me to think in a way that is still foreign and really stretch my intellect. The screening list in this class is wonderful�
Rear Window,
In the Mood for Love� and tonight was
Jerry Maguire. I had forgotten how good this movie is and how iconic 1990s it is. Just the same, I fear I wasn�t watching it on the same level as last night�s lecture was pitched. Thankfully I have a week to digest these readings and since it�s a 25-odd person seminar, I am not exactly expected to pipe right up and it�s more than okay just to take it all in and get my bearings, comfortably. Three papers, all of which seem challenging.
Avant Garde is a Monday-night seminar. This week Labor Day saved me from really having a full-week, so I just have to wait until the weekend to see how things square up there. But I think this will eventually be my niche in this place� here�s hoping I mesh with the teacher (my advisor).
My tiny circle of friends expands almost daily, to now a more than smallish clique. I have the same schedule as the three other incoming grad students. It is really interesting because we are such different people and have such ranging interests, but somehow we converge and I feel happy to be stuck with them, as it were. It is nice, when I came into class the other night, it was just really a relief to see that they had saved me a seat. Closeness breeds familiarity and it�s been good to be reunited with some of the people I met on my visit to town. It�s all coming together. One of my classmates is having a party on Friday and I am looking forward to a purely social outlet with some classmates I still don�t know very well. It is too bad that my house isn�t especially conducive to entertaining because I am nearly in a position to get people together. I�ve also met someone from a completely separate walk of life with whom I like spending time. He�s a product of the Ivy League and already has his M.D. Beat that� he�s got a good sense of humor and is a genuinely interesting person� so we�ll see what comes of this.
I�ve also come to appreciate how hard it is to be single and be a functional graduate student. There�s just a lot to worry about and a lot to do on a daily basis and I am envious of those whom have a partner to rest some of the burdens on. Forbid it, but I might be rethinking my characteristically stand-offish views about (romantic) commitment. I�ve actually had a few conversations about this recently, but it is clear that I�ve stumbled into a kind of life that only barely resembles my beloved �Camp Undergrad.� It is real life now and it is clear that being a team of one has some drawbacks. After a long day, I wouldn�t trade anything for a quiet lone house, this is a key part of my existence � but the fact that I haven�t been back to the grocery store or the Laundromat since I arrived to town isn�t exactly great or functional. Thank god for Crystal Light is all I am saying, I�ve been out of milk for almost ten days.
It seems to me that when you live alone (or get by primarily on your own) it makes it a lot harder to draw a distinction between work and play. At least if you come home to the possibility of another situation, there exists a decent chance that something will distract you from your day or some lingering work that needs to be done. When you rely on yourself for these things, you can come home after a long day and still end up hitting the books before hitting the sheets. That�s a dismal approach to the solitary life and still not a clear-cut argument about the merits of marriage or whatever, but this is the first time (ever) I�ve been away from my real family and my second surrogate family of friends, I will at the very minimal, acknowledge the merits of communal living.
My phone wires are a little sketchy at home and the connection isn�t great (I basically need a newly wired jack and just figuring out how not to pay for it). I have the replacement laptop keyboard at long last, but now I just need to get over to the computer shop on campus to have them perform the switcheroo. In the meantime, technology just frustrates me, I can�t even tell you how many times I swore at my cords last night. My printer isn�t cooperating either. After yesterday�s marathon day, it was not the scene I wanted to come home to. In a perfect world, Mr. Fixit would have already been here, worked out these kinks, made me a real dinner, washed the sheets, and poured me a stiff drink. Ah, what a liberated woman am I, all I need is a man to make my life and everything wrong with it better. Now I am just being silly� but home communications still aren�t quite up to par (hence the infrequent blogging or being on-line). I have enjoyed the flood of emails to my new email address, thank you all for showing interest.
I finally saw
Russian Ark the other night and it is a technical wonder, although I am still a little ambivalent on its stance about Russia and her histories. I think I am going to take the weekend off from watching any kind of movie.
posted by lmjasinski at 10:26 AM
