This Train Lingered Too Long at Procrastination Station
This is an overdue blog, but at the same time, it�s approaching midnight on Thursday, I have piles of things that are far more deserving of my attention � but I�ve spent the day being overtired and groggy and haven�t exactly lived up to be an active, articulate, or even focused since I came back from Middlebury.
I realize that I haven�t talked about my trip in this forum, although I�ve been verbally telling it to anyone who will listen � and it feels like such a long time ago, already. Up until now, count my blessings, I�ve had good luck traveling � in the sense that things usually work out okay and I can at least make it from home-base to destination okay. Before I left, there was an aura of good things hovering � an extension on a meaty research paper and a few other favorable signs, that now escape me (in a short week, these things are forgettable). But anyway, things were looking up until I met my first of many travel headaches � basically, I missed the connection to Burlington, ended up going through Connecticut and then having my father drive me up to Midd, for old time�s sake. It was really great to see my parents � even if it was only between midnight and noon � and go home for a night. Similar problems plagued me on the way home, whereby my flight was cancelled due to a nebulous mechanical problem, so I spent the night in a complementary hotel room, and awoke before the crack of dawn to haul tail back to Madison just in the nick of time to teach. All in all, I stand by the fact that I like having things work out instead of having to jump through these hoops.
So the homecoming� slight variants, but the place hasn�t changed much since I was last there. If anything, the usually preppy student body has adopted more of a hipster costume. My sister, currently a sophomore in college, agrees that a similar trend has descended at her school. I spent two nights watching Penelope, an awesome Midd band populated by my old friend Ryan Abernathy and assorted other hipster, WRMC-type kids. It made for one of the best debate parties ever� and denigrated into a drunken after party with freestyle rappers inspiring break-dancing long into the late night.
For me, the tournament was relatively stress-free � it was the first time I wasn�t in the war room, so to speak, and as a result, everything seemed to magically get done by divine providence. So the youngins� proved to me that they can get on in my absence, and get along fine at that, not that there was ever a doubt in my mind. It was a small tournament � something like 32 teams � and that made things a cinch. I saw some good rounds and the final was a good final round, the food was a big success (as usual), so everything one could hope for worked out satisfactorily.
It was good to see the old gang � but it is feeling less and less like the �old gang� I�ll always remember. It was really great, and is always great, to see Dan, Andrew, and assorted other of my (now) senior guy friends, like MO Brien and Giorgi. It is funny, when I was last there, they spent their days talking about �getting� girls and Aristotle and politics � all the while smoking cigarettes incessantly � and now the vast majority of them have girlfriends [shocking, no?], they still talk about Classics and now a little about the closer possibility of graduate school � but it is clear that they are starting to grow up a little, but just a little, thankfully.
It isn�t my debate team anymore � and if nothing else, that realization makes me miss college less, although I still tend to remember that whole time in my life �over-fondly,� and for some time, I pledge to romanticize it all out of proportion. While on that coast, I had a wonderful visit with Marichal and Ted, two terrific people I am so lucky to have in my life and routing so enthusiastically for me. Post-tournament madness, I spent all of Sunday being lazy with Jack, having brunch, looking at the mountains, having cocktails, and in a sense, remembering that Vermont is not where I want to spend the rest of my life � but we had a very nice visit, complained plenty, because that�s what we like to do, but I was glad to see Jack instead of just talk to him on the phone.
I think this whole trip help me put my present situation into perspective. Maybe it is because of all of the hassle associated with leaving Madison, but maybe this is an indication that I am meant to stay here, cosmically, or that greater forces are determined to keep me here. It made me wonder how I ever lived by my wits, out of a suitcase, for as long as I did. My life here is pretty routine and sedentary, but I�ve come to depend on it, even to like it. I felt �missed� and that many people were genuinely sad to see me go and commented that they were glad to have me back, there�s something egocentrically soothing about that phenomenon. I still don�t think I�ve recovered (I�ve literally just unpacked and cleaned my apartment) mentally from the trip and I am still straining to get back on the right foot for reading and having all of my ducks lined up in a row. It is likely that I�ll spend the entire weekend suffocating in the library, but peace and quiet seem to heal a tired soul. Since I shifted so many things around to make this trip happen, I need some catch-up time. My list of commitments is so much shorter now (than it was just a year ago) having a more reasonable amount of time allotted to the important things, I think I have a better handle on my priorities and remain in far better control with how I spend my time. I�ve also come to really enjoy sleeping in my bed every night, constantly getting a good night�s sleep, and having a much more regularized routine.
In other big news, for all Midd alums out there, Johnny Mac resigned as college president earlier this week. It is expected that second-in-command Ron Lebowitz will step up and take the reigns, but it hasn�t been announced.
This week has been scattered and very unproductive. I think I am technically caught up on my sleep � still, I have felt quite groggy for a few days. I worked like a fiend, but I got my theory paper done, but I have no opinion about the worth or the success of my efforts. Although the Thanksgiving holiday doesn�t really mean anything to me � I am not �celebrating� in any kind of high style this year (I am trying to coordinate something with Jeremy and Jody) � but I am looking forward to the long weekend just like everyone else. I actually found a little more free time this week, a cancelled screening, but I didn�t really make the best use of it, graded some exams. Even tonight, in lieu of coming home right after colloquium, I went for squash curry at the Laotian restaurant with a friend. Overall, all week, I�ve just been trying to get a handle on things, like my house cleaning, and mending a few bridges with John, this evening, about some stupid, hurtful mistakes I made a while ago and had to finally own up to. But I think things are better, or that we made some strides towards things being better.
My kitchen faucet is dripping again � what a perennial renter�s problem. I feel slightly more like an adult now that I have to constantly call my super to fix the sink. Hopefully the guy will come tomorrow � the sound is making me crazy and I also fear that it is dribbling away all of the hot water and making my mornings that much more chilly and difficult to bear.
This is longer than I intended for it to be � perhaps all of this reading I have been doing about autobiographical film, both for doc and avant garde, has made me feel a little guilty for spending less time than usual on the subject of myself. In general, I am just waiting for the foggy clouds to pass through and have my work ethic sharpened.
posted by lmjasinski at 1:14 PM
