Be It Resolved...
It was just about this time last year when I wrote out this very thoughtful year-in-review kind of synopsis for my year (read it over, it's a nice little post). I am feeling far less ambitious right now, so I think all of that big picture resolved, resolute, and reflective thinking will be put on hold for at least one more day (if I get to it at all). For some reason, now that 2004 is here and even before the new year dawned, I've been feeling inconclusive about lots of things. Largely this is permitted because, aside from housing, there isn't a lot riding on me right now - my class schedule is air tight, I am certain to stay in Madison through 2005, and there aren't any other pots boiling over the fire, therefore, playing by my rules, I'm allowed to be hazy and indecisive. This was a big year for me, but I am not really settled on how I want to sum it up and write things out, just yet.
If you haven't noticed, but I wager that some of you have, I've been out of commission for a few days - recovering my roots in the Vermont desolate wilderness. I stopped off in Boston first to visit with some of my Middlebury cohorts and then spent the twilight days of 2003, I'll be honest, being unproductive, drunk and gluttonous in the woods. Everyone deserves a few days of shenanigan without judgment, but I've had my cake, eaten it, and gone back with sticky fingers for seconds. It was really nice to reunite with a less disparate and estranged group of schoolmates (the Middlebury crew is always more fun to see than the SWHS masses). During the "break," I was additionally able to see less familiar faces and even meet some new people, so it was a nice mix. I'm continually reminded that I am not a kid anymore and a few days of partying like a rock star takes its toll, as does sharing tight quarters (and just plain sharing at all - not having free reign of my plans, even dinner is a communal decision...) is wearing a bit thin. So I was glad to make my return home this evening and get back into a slightly more established, normal pattern here at my parents' house. I am still feeling a little more exhausted than relaxed, but a night of solid, uninterrupted, sober sleep in my own bed might be the cure I've so actively sought for almost two weeks up and down the East Coast. Already, listening to some Rufus Wainwright on my computer and just enjoying a few minutes alone is already remedying some serious physical and mental fatigue I've wracked up.
I know it'll stretch on, but I've had a sufficient break. As of now, I feel about ready to reboard the aircraft and head back to my newly adopted hometown, Madison. It's not so much that I am aching to be back in the throngs of papers and assignments just yet, but I feel like I've worn through the things I wanted to do while home. I still plan to go down to NYC, if I can muster it, but it'll be spent much like the last few days - a whirlwind of drinking, catching up, swapping stories, eating out, rehashing old times... things I enjoy and love, but I feel like these are all diversions and things that a person does to kill time. I still have something like 11 days at home - and I really need to be tending to my book reports and even a more serious (in an academic disciplined way) hit the movies and video stores. At the very least, I should follow the advice of one of my compatriots and watch at the minimum, two movies per day... School feels far away... At this point in my life I should be a pro at weathering the winter break at home, but it feels more like my freshman break when I always preferred school, new friends and a new life, to the familiarities of home.
Since I'm just feeling kind of blah and not really sure what I need to recharge my batteries, I am going to send a few emails and just call it a night - but I am back, safe and sound, and another year has passed.
posted by lmjasinski at 8:57 PM
