the female gaze

Look with your eyes, not with your hands.


Such a minute fraction of this life do we live: so much is sleep, tooth-brushing, waiting for mail, for metamorphosis, for those sudden moments of incandescence: unexpected, but once one knows them, one can live life in the light of their past and the hope of their future.



A grad student muses on her life, film, friends, politics, reality televizzle, and music.


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"The story of your life is not your life, it's your story" -- John Barth
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Thursday, March 11, 2004
 
"It's a very blustery day," said Pooh.

Just when I thought when I was out of the water with bad (i.e. cold) weather, things went and got blustery cold all over again. Today was a shock to the system and tomorrow looks to be even worse - in the twenties and calling for a heavier class of sweater and outerwear than usual.

There seems to be a case of manic energy floating around the office today. Many of my friends are in a class that had a paper due today. Everyone seemed to wait until the last minute and today was a mash of people darting between the printer and intense proofreading concentration. I must admit, that masochist, I might be a little jealous. This semester doesn't quite bring down the ax like others, and I miss that kind of rapid-fire thinking writing that deadlines bring.

Additionally, I talked to one of my professors today who is most notable for his portable and contagious energy fields. In an otherwise very pleasant conversation, we stumbled onto the idea of "writing" (brought about for other reasons) and this man is about as brilliant and prolific as they come - about the physicality of it (sitting down to write) and then churning out page after page. Geekishly, I get chills thinking about this. Maybe I'm over-caffeinated, but with every day, I am increasingly excited for this break and the promise of break-necking pace work it seems to carry. Sometimes inspiration comes at the right time - and this week I feel a seed of internal discipline taking root. As someone wiser than me has quoted Auden on the right occasion - there is a time to set your feet on loftier places - and this week it seems to be the short order to leave the daily grind behind and enjoy some peace, quiet, books, and coffee. Anyway, I awoke this morning in especially good spirits and I am grateful that the feeling has stayed with me all day.

The Kuleshov movie was decent last night - thankfully short - but a long 72mins. It was silent and the story didn't really capture me. The film is also the productive of Kuleshov's workshop and most interested in the expressive ends of montage - linking a narrative together through glimpses and looks to suggest psychological coherence. Eh, I got the point 20mins in. This afternoon we're watching an Eric Meuller short from 2003 called This Car Up. He'll be on hand to discuss it and here's hoping for the best. Afterward, I haven't quite earned it because I am working half-heartedly at best today, but I am excited for the post-colloquium drink and ready to enjoy the company of my cohorts who have been workingly steadily out of view and desperately craving the refreshment of a frosty beverage.

Eerie doppleganger moment of the day. A new student (accepted by Media and Cultural studies) is visiting the program today. I only saw her in the hallway, but I've garnished second opinions, and this girl definitely bears a striking resemblance to me - build, hair, glasses, coloring... and then to make matters more uncanny, we're wearing the same shirt today (but thankfully, different colors).