the female gaze

Look with your eyes, not with your hands.


Such a minute fraction of this life do we live: so much is sleep, tooth-brushing, waiting for mail, for metamorphosis, for those sudden moments of incandescence: unexpected, but once one knows them, one can live life in the light of their past and the hope of their future.



A grad student muses on her life, film, friends, politics, reality televizzle, and music.


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"The story of your life is not your life, it's your story" -- John Barth
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Wednesday, April 21, 2004
 
**Yawn**... Pencils Down

The cumulative effects of tiredness are starting to take effect... no one to blame but myself, but my sharpness is dulling. Today alone, I had more typos than acceptable in my email correspondence and during the class that I teach, I wasn't quite as "on" as I am on my best days [but only so much can be expected]. The grading won't let up, and while it's not the most cerebral of activities, it's grating and eating up my afternoon. I swear that I must be making progress, but the pile doesn't seem much lighter. I still have exams left and despite my better intentions, the progress is turtle-esque.

Yesterday was yet another fun and pleasing adventure into the more mysterious world of romantic relationships. I know that this has been a general trend in my posts this week, but it has been the prevailing force in my life since the weekend. It actually hasn't been long (calendar time), but it's been a rather intense entree just the same. Patrick came over and we cooked (which is usually him directing me to cut a pepper or wash cilantro and him doing the rest, including all creative decisions) this tasty lime-chicken dish with a tangy avocado sauce. He makes a great salad too - and last night's roasted pine-nut fig vinaigrette lives up to the standard (set by last weekend's impressively advanced menu of shrimp in chipotle butter, blue corn cakes, pico de gallo, and spicy citrus salad). I am easily impressed - especially when it comes to cooking (with fresh ingredients) because it's hard to get that excited about cooking for one and everything I buy has a near-indefinite, post-apocalypse expiration date. For as fiercely as I've sung the praises of being the enlightened, independent, single gal about town... co-dependence is beginning to seem a little greener. It's definitely a mentality shift, almost geographically - from the world out there to an opposing, nestled domestic space. This is hardly an earth-shaking revelation, but give me some credit, I am sharing & opening up here. Things are still going exceptionally well, a little too well, no?

I am watching Ivan the Terrible, II tonight. As much as I'd rather be horizontal and asleep right now, I am excited to see the end - this is such a bizarre, campy, over-acted movie - but Eisenstein is so good. I like the story-films more than the silent ones (not as a scholar, but as a viewer) and this is actually a good movie to laugh at.

I've been listening to the Franz Ferdinand cd this afternoon (all the rage around these parts). Think the Doors (richness of Morrison's baritone voice, the organ) meet the Strokes (the kind of hip sound that they kids are into) bearing family resemblance to Interpol, with some vaguely Disco-esque beats, what a weird marriage of sounds. I still like the Walkmen more, but for the record, but the taste-makers that be aren't that far off with their newest fair-haired boy - FF. Give them a try, you'll get you're $12 worth with this fusion of all good influences.