Relent, already. Please.
Ugh, what a tough week it's been already. I'll preface everything by saying that the air conditioner has paid for itself this muggy and horrible week alone. It's been a stressful week and I feel like things are piled on heavily. For starters, I hate myself for starting to bite my nails again. I think it's been about 3 weeks since I quit, but something just fell apart - one broken nail, a nibble and I am back to 10 little stubby-childish looking fingers. The weird thing about bad habits is how easily it is to fall back into their temptuous ways and even after over indulging a guilty pleasure, you have no one to blame but yourself and your flawed, weak character. Nail-biting is an especially guilt-inducing vice because I'll have to look at these things for weeks until I am back to where I was in terms of new nail growth. Ironically, feeling this guilty, all I want to do is bite my nails.
Patrick's dissertation is technically, or informally, due tomorrow - I guess it's a matter of opinion and if you're the type to read deadlines as negotiable moments open for deliberation. He's working like a fiend - like he's been for four days - and it seems like it'll be close, very close. He is suppose to leave for a cognitive film conference in Michigan tomorrow at 7:00am. It's been a stressful time and there never seem to be enough waking minutes to get everything done that has to get done. It's rubbing off on me. If anything, a few days away is good so that I can get my life & routine back in order - the apartment is a mess-ola and I just feel like I need more time to catch up on sleep, lectures and life. Also, since I don't have to teach again until Monday, I finally feel capable of making the long distance phone calls I've wanted to make for what feels like years.
I was plagued by car troubles early in the week. I guess the good news is that, with some assistance, I learned to jump a car. Patrick was working on the diss so I took the old Saturn in for repairs. Unfortunately, what we thought was a dead battery was actually a more costly repair. But a $330-new alternater later, the car is as good as new, or as close to good as new as a near 10yr old car with 85,000 miles and yellow gummy lettering on the windshield (long, long story) can look. At least it's driving more and I don't dispute the diagnosis - the car was weak on power and whenever you pushed the gas pedal, there resulted a pathetic kind of wheezy sound. But things are fixed, at least for now. Lesson-learned, cars are expensive ventures.
In happy news, my mother offered me her mini van today. Not quite sure when I'll assume ownership (probably when she gets a new one) but she offered it to me for free / and offered to continue paying for insurance and repairs. As I see it, for the cost of gas, I've been re-issued freedom after a year of rarely driving and I am well-on-my-way to perfecting my Soccer Mom impersonation. So I don't know if I'll have it soon, but in terms of long-term thinking, this is a very do-able plan.
Teaching has been going exceptionally well and it's left me thrilled for the school year to begin again and get back into the classroom (as a film student, not as a TA). The foreign cinema switcheroo was the best idea I've had in ages and I continue to delight audiences of many dozen elderly students with my choice of films and seemingly expert lectures. It's a good feeling to be at the top of one's game. And while the teaching prep actually eats up most of my time in the evenings, it's a good trade to feel confident and pleased with the job I am doing. Tomorrow is Wong Kar-Wei and the sumptuous,
In the Mood for Love, what might rank as the most sensual film I've ever seen. The afternoon office job remains an afternoon office job, but it's not so bad and I actually feel content with what I accomplished today.
There seems to be something innately wrong with sitting at the library at 8:30pm on a Wednesday evening in July.
posted by lmjasinski at 7:57 PM
