I think that the long and short of it is... this phase of my life is over now.
I don't know what happenned - I was like a "way too energetic blogger" for a few years and then the energy slowly dwindled. Like many things in life, this was definitely something that started with a bang and ended with a whimper. I want to be the first to say that introspection is far from being a bad thing - but I think moderation is the key. I was an introspection addict, for ugh, most of my teenage years, straining into my twenties. Now, I think I've weaned myself off the introspection teat, as it were, and now I channel that seemingly boundless energy into other pursuits.
I think I've figured out many things about myself - the kind of things you
feel, it's a kind of posture instead of quips and platitudes. My life feels less complicated than ever - chaulk it up to what I've learned in the Midwest - it's about good friends who know who they are and confident about what they want, and about knowing who I am and what I want, and being able to have work I enjoy to fill the time in between. It's about finding the right person to share my time with instead of spending all of that time alone in front of my computer and writing. I've learned (or accepted) that I change my mind a lot - but I've settled into a nice groove where I am confident about steering the path ahead, even if it may only last two years. It doesn't need much more thought or attention.
I've been keeping a journal from the fourth grade until only recently (when it turned into a blog). I think I did this for fear of forgetting what I did, or felt, or thought. I wanted there to be evidence - I wanted to leave more than a trace. The fear of forgetting is less tangible now -- maybe I just give myself and my memory more credit, or I am okay forgetting the things that bear forgetting. I had a lot of energy bound up in this process and now, I've just found different outlets that get the job done just as effectively. I am happy. I am fulfilled. I have less to gripe about in an open forum. My gripes are private now - as they probably always should have been, but now, I get that.
So that's that... I probably won't have much else to write on this thing. Sometimes I used this blog to rant about politics, or review movies, or just to complain about stupid people and their annoying behaviors. But more often I used this as a slate to post my goals, revise them, and burn a lot of spare energy. Keeping that in mind, this blog served me well, but I am over it. For those of you who still check periodically to see what I have to say... sorry to dissappoint. This was always a channel for me, excuse the vanity or the accusisation of voyeurism on your part. I am done with it. if it's possible - I've become even more selfish and hopefully a little less pathetic.
You know where to find me.
posted by lmjasinski at 12:34 PM
